Tonight, I just want to cry for my mortality.

Sometimes I look at the words carved into my wrist and I wonder why I feel before I think. But tonight I wanted to scratch them off-so I could get them inked on again. I want to feel the pain and release and assurance and hope and despair all at the same time. and. and. and. again. You sent me those words. You saved me. Do you know that? You answered my phone calls everytime. One day, I called you over ten times.

hearts bend cause they can't break
when they can't take all that is given to them

I want to know why I'm writing this blog. I want to know why I felt jealous tonight. I want to know why I was sad when I realized I'm not the only one holding that title. I want to know why time won't stop and let me run with you in the sprinklers. I don't want to leave tomorrow. I want to be that for you. Because you are that for me.

I am crying.
I am crying because of my imperfections. deceit. manipulation. brokeness. fear. walls.
I am crying because of my mortality.