the pictures are becoming darker
but the memories are as bright as they’ve always been
why can’t I want the things that I have while I have them
instead of being addicted to the pain of being without them

I don’t know why I look at the pictures over and over
making the pain grow harder and my heart colder
I forget what it feels like to be held so close
as that picture in Hawaii when we’re lying on the couch

because we just got done dancing
and kissing with our eyes closed
the hurt is so sharp that it doesn’t seem real
that my heart could have really gone that far

I’m singing the blues tonight
With a heart so heavy that I can’t escape
the pictures proving my complete trust in you
my heart has bended more than it can take

I can’t be angry tonight
because all I can think of is how happy I was with you
looking at the san Francisco bridge and falling in love on New Years night
I am just sad. completely sad without you.

it has to be better not together because we’re not.
but this suffering has left me with nothing to depend on
and a selfishness that leaves me useless to anyone

if there is a time to live and a time to die
my time to cry has been far too long
my life could possibly be a joke
or a tool for God to prove a fucking point.

Sometimes, no matter how hard I try to concentrate, I feel like I might lose control of my body if I keep sitting in my chair. At these points, I have to get up and leave the classroom. It is starting to happen more often. Every class. And I think it's starting to upset my teachers.

Sometimes, I text you just because I know you are going to reassure me. You are the definition of love to me. You know more about me than I have ever told you. I missed you more than anyone on my birthday. I think it is important to have days set aside to remind us of our forgotten memories, but they have been hard for me lately. Because the things that matter to me are far away.

Sometimes, I am not honest. But it is becoming less and less. And I am loving myself more and more.