Hearts bend cause they can't break, when they can't take all that is given to them.

I want every second of my life to make you feel something-something you have never felt before. I think you are special. and beautiful, really. and real.
I hope I make you stand with our mouth wide open and in complete awe. in a good way.
I want you to be like, "Holy shit, what did she just say?" And then I want you to laugh. You can shake your head after that-just because you kinda have to. And I'll look down, half ashamed, and then glance up at you with a mutual look of quiet understanding of our shared sick humor. Because that is how You made me.

I want to know everything.
Or anything.
It is all so big. Bigger than me. Than my mind.
My mind was not made to understand this.
But we still talk about it.
Each hoping our mind will find the crack in the wall.
Slip through. And get it.
But none of us have. So we make things up and busy ourselves.
With disqualifying each other.
I hear them arguing about unverifiable claims.
Realizing science is philosophy on ecstasy as a lawyer.
Lying and extremely blinded by itself.

I'm trying. trying. eating. striving.
I can't stand hearing my name. I'm tired.
Tell me something new and hopeful. Filly my
hope up with something new. NEW.
Empty the rest. Let it go.
My god I'm tired.
But there is something inside me trying to grow.
Let it go.
There is something unnecessarily comforting about being alone.


I know that most of my growth has come through brokenness. But I can not keep myself here. I can not become comfortable in this cave. I've felt around in the dark. I've learned truth. I've learned. But I have to move out. I can not keep myself here.
I am splendidly imperfect and alive.

Dear Tegan, Elphaba, and Maureen, (to me, that's exactly who you are)

I blasted Wicked in the car today and thought of you.

Miss you and love you.

Truly,
Sara, Glinda, and Joann



Those are the greatest words anyone has ever given me.